Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Should I or Shouldn't I?


"Kristi, how are you feeling?"

The answer to this should simply be, "Better, thank you". So why do I continually find myself launching into an explanation as to why I wasn't at school? I have found myself reflecting on both my actions, and my reactions to those actions, for the past couple of days.

The calendar called for a "Teacher Work Day". Generally I am responsible for at least one session or leading some form of teacher training. This is the first time where I had no responsibilities. There were committee meetings I was scheduled to attend and a chunk of time allotted for recording data. However, there were no students (fifth grade nor adult) expecting me. No lesson plans were needed. In essence, the perfect day for a teacher to miss school.

***

3:38 a.m. is what the clock said when I first awoke with a migraine. I took my first round of pills, propped myself up in my recliner, tucked the fleece blanket around me, set the volume to low and pressed play for Whittington on OverDrive, and settled in, waiting for the pain to subside to the point that I could lie down again.

I will spare you the blow by blow - by the time my alarm would have gone off I had yet to go back to sleep. My husband came by to kiss the top of my head and ask if I needed anything. "Are you going to school?" he inquired. I grunted some sort of non-committal reply.

This was not the first time the question had crossed my mind. Usually the medicine kicks in after 20 - 30 minutes, if the first round is going to do the trick. When we had passed an hour, and a subsequent dosage, I had started to think through the upcoming day and realizing that I really could not go in. 

I spent the next chunk of time trying to justify to myself why it would be OK to stay home. I then wondered if this was typical of all teachers or all women or... - noticing that at no point did I think it was outside the realm of normal. 

The thoughts continued.
If I had a fever, of course I would stay home, I thought. I
'm not contagious so what's my excuse?
I
am functional, this is normal for me and I never even consider staying home. 

And so on.

I found this distinction to be very interesting; if others were counting on me I would go, yet at the same time realized that being able to sleep off the migraine hangover would be what was best for my health. 

And the internal debate continued.

It was about this time that I was medicated enough that I could lie down again and go back to sleep, so I went up stairs and crawled into bed while my husband was in the shower. I still hadn't made a decision. When I rolled over it was 1.5 hours after we leave for school and I was alone in the house. "I guess I'm not going to school." I 'WhatsApped' my husband. "Should I send a driver?" came his reply.

Ugh. Now I went through the entire cycle of should I vs. shouldn't I again.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

"Old" Moms



A childhood friend posted a picture on Facebook to show how much she loves a new lipstick. The color was fabulous and vibrant, but that wasn't what caught my attention. In fact, it took me several moments to even register what the words were saying because the picture, I was sure, was of her mother - although it wasn't. 

The smiling woman looked like the mother of my six year old friend, but we were six decades ago. I did the math and realized that we ARE about the age our mothers were when we were six. The woman with the lovely lipstick looked to be in her mid forties!

I had to stop and let that sink in for a while. 

It isn't that I don't know that I'm in my mid forties. I am well aware and am loving this decade of life. I don't know why the picture and my realization struck me so profoundly, but it did. I find myself flooded with memories of being six and playing with this friend - and wishing we weren't so far apart now. I would love to get on a plane and spend a few days with her, sharing all that God has done in our lives since we went separate ways after high school, though to be honest, we haven't been particularly close since elementary school. It may just be me, but I still feel particularly tied to her and I don't know why. Perhaps that is part of the wonder of childhood friends - and their 'old' moms.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Somehow



Somehow it is Tuesday again. 
Somehow I am looking at a blank screen and wondering what I could possibly write about. Somehow I am convinced that the thing that looms largest is not what I will write about. Somehow I know that the day will come. 
Somehow it is not today.

Monday, January 30, 2017

What Are You Reading?


It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? From Picture Books to YA! 
It's Monday! What are you Reading? is a meme started by Sheila at Book Journeys and now hosted by Kathryn at Book Date. It is a great way to recap what you read and/or reviewed the previous week and to plan out your reading and reviews for the upcoming week. It's also a great chance to see what others are reading right now...you just might discover your next “must-read” book!
Jen at Teach Mentor Texts and Kellee of Unleashing Readers decided to give It's Monday! What Are You Reading? a kidlit focus. If you read and review books in children's literature - picture books, chapter books, middle grade novels, young adult novels, anything in the world of kidlit - join us! We love this meme and think you will, too. We encourage everyone who participates to visit at least three of the other kidlit book bloggers that link up and leave comments for them.

Here are my January books...



Tuesday, January 24, 2017

On A Scale of 1 - 10



Have you ever had a medical professional ask you how much it hurts, on a scale of one to ten? At least for me, being in labor at the hospital I was asked this question often. The experience of delivering my daughter with nothing but cranberry juice and water expanded my idea of pain. 

That being said, pain is a regular part of my life. I have 'chronic classic migraines' and have since 1998. I also have a pain in the neck from severely compressed vertebrae that are trying to grow together and no space in the spinal column around those vertebra. This is not a 'woe's me' story. This is background information for my recent revelation. 

Yesterday I had a debilitating migraine and in the midst of the pain I found myself thinking, "On a scale of one to ten, what is my pain level?" Now I am pretty sure that back labor reached a ten at times, but what about this pain? The process of trying to categorize my current pain distracted me from the pain itself. I found myself debating if this was more or less than the worst of labor.

Ultimately I reached a conclusion, though it didn't come until the pain had abated (thanks to lots of fantastic pills). I realized that pain in your head has a different scale than pain anywhere else as the pain in your head makes it hard to even think about how much the pain hurts as it absorbs all ability to think at all. So, on a scale of one to ten? I just might answer "kumquat". 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Time Keeps On Slippin'...


How does it happen? You 'slice' at the last minute one week, realizing that this is not preferable nor sustainable so you set the goal to write sooner the following week and then you realize you have done it again. As teachers know, this time from Christmas Break until Spring Break has a tendency to drag on, so I am not complaining that another week has passed in the blinking of an eye, but geez!